Friday, March 30, 2007

Keyboard Warmer

I have been home a lot lately, on weekdays, during the daytime. Belle has been wondering why I've been home so much. At first I told her I was sick. Then after a week she said, "You don't look very sick to me." Belle can be very perceptive. So then I told her that I was taking a vacation. For a while she believed me, but today she said, "Two weeks of vacation already? And you're spending it lying around the apartment playing videogames? Must be nice." I responded, "I don't see you doing much all day". Belle did not appreciate that comment. I didn't want to lie any longer, so I finally told Belle the truth - I quit my job three weeks ago.

Belle was not impressed with this news. I tried to explain it to her. I told her how I had been unhappy at work for a long time, how I wanted to try doing something different, at least for the time being. I told her that Andrea makes enough money to support us while I am in between jobs, and that Belle wouldn't be going hungry (at least any more hungry than usual). Still Belle remained in a bad mood. I couldn't figure out why she cared so much.

Then it hit me. Now that I don't have a job, Belle's chances of being taken into the office on TYKTWD (Take Your Kitty To Work Day) have been cut in half. Previously either Andrea or I could have taken her into work, but now Andrea is her only hope. So I asked Belle, "Would it make you feel any better if I PROMISED that Andrea will take you into work on TYKTWD?". Belle said, "Well, I suppose that would be acceptable. Deal." So now Andrea is going to take Belle into work (though I haven't told Andrea yet). Belle's mood has markedly improved. Already, she is practicing keeping Andrea's keyboard warm. Belle likes to give the keyboard her personal touch, and by personal touch I mean getting enormous amounts of white and gray kitty hair stuck under the keyboard.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Belle's Favorite T-shirt

This is Belle's favorite t-shirt. She's been wearing it ALL the time lately. I asked her why she was wearing it so much and she said, "Because it's fashionable. Not that you would know anything about that, Mr. fleece and sweat pants". I thought that was rude of her to say, especially since I don't even own a pair of sweat pants. She must have been thinking of my pajama pants. I do wear those around the apartment sometimes. And what's wrong with fleece?

Belle has been greatly expanding her wardrobe lately. Yesterday she came home with two scarves and a sun dress. She said the scarves were buy one, get one free, and the sun dress was 70% off. Belle does like a good bargain. She is a frugal kitty, and that's fine by me.

I don't know why she needs any clothes at all, though. If I had a full coat of fur, I would never wear anything. In fact, sometimes I don't wear anything, even though I don't have a full coat of fur. But if Belle spots me in such a state, she'll meow at me until I put some clothes on. She says that she doesn't like seeing much skin, especially when it's "as pale as milk" like mine. She can be a tough kitty to please.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Lazy Sunday / Little Miss Sunshine

Today was a lazy Sunday. Belle and Andrea and I napped much of the day away. Belle is a good napper. Usually Andrea and I can't keep up with her napping, but today we came pretty darn close. After getting up at 7 this morning, Belle and I managed to nap from 8:30 to 12:30. Andrea got out of bed around 9:30, ate some cereal, and then napped from 10:00 to 12:30. I managed to not nap from 12:30-4:30, but then succumbed to another nap from 4:30-6:45 in the evening. Like I said, today was a lazy Sunday.

My excuse for all of this napping madness is that I woke up with a cold today. My throat was killing me and I had a headache, so I took some drowsiness-causing cold medicine first thing after waking up. Hence the napping. Belle and Andrea have no such excuse.

Belle does like a good nap. It's one of her favorite things. She and I have that in common. Belle gets to nap in lots of places that I don't, though, like on top of the dining table or on a footstool. I only ever get to nap in bed and on the couch. One time I tried to take a nap on a footstool, but it wasn't very comfortable. Belle told me, "What do you think you're doing, napping on my footstool? I don't try and shit in the sink, now do I?". I think she meant to say 'toilet', not 'sink'. She's always getting those confused. I guess she had a point though. I just wish she wouldn't use foul language like that.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Take Your Kitty to Work Day

Today when Andrea and I came home from a walk, we found Belle sleeping on our filing cabinet on top of a brown envelope. This was odd, as the filing cabinet is not one of her usual napping spots. I didn't know where the envelope came from either. We usually keep them in the closet, and neither Andrea or I could remember getting one out recently.

Then we remembered. It's only two weeks until Take Your Kitty to Work Day. We told Belle that we weren't going to celebrate this year, and she has been bothering us about it ever since. She obviously had gotten the envelope out herself and was taking a nap on it to prove that she could be well behaved in an office environment. Kitty is always one step ahead.

You see, the reason we don't want to take her into work this year is because in years past, things have not gone so well. Last year was particularly bad. Belle got into an argument with the kitty in the cubicle across from me. The other cat was a Mormon and Belle told him, "Your religion is rubbish, Joseph Smith was a fraud, and you, my friend, are a fool!". Belle can be a bit harsh when it comes to religion. She's a Baptist herself. A little kitty Baptist.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Did you miss me?

I returned home from Atlanta today. No sooner had I opened the door and dropped my bags on the floor than Belle ran over and jumped into my arms to greet me. Sometimes Belle can be a little over-affectionate (especially when we've been away on vacation). So I gave Belle a quick hug and then tried to set her down, but she wouldn't let go! Sometimes Belle just doesn't know when to let the hug end.

Later on, Belle and I had a nice long chat about my trip. I told her that the trip went pretty well, except for the part where I got a stomach bug and spent eight hours vomiting, and then had to spend the entirety of Wednesday lying on my bed at the hotel. "Hotlanta will do that to you", Belle said, "Lord knows, Hotlanta wll do that to you". Then Belle became strangely quiet, as if she was remembering events long since past. I guess Belle got sick in Atlanta once too.

As for Andrea's allegations (see the previous post, "Known Dogs"), let it be known that I was forced to play with the dog in those photos. Atlanta has a strict dog-play policy: for every day spent in the city, it is required that tourists spend one hour of playtime with an underprivileged dog. I assure you (as I assured Belle) that I dreaded every minute of it.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Known Dogs

Well. Kitty persists in her melancholy malaise long past the point of reason. She won't fetch, roll over, or wash the dishes. She just calls over and over "Jeff, Jeff". That may seem sweet, but her pronunciation is terrible and she has a really high pitched voice. It sounds awfully like a cat screeching because nobody will turn on the heat. I get brief periods of respite while she eats her pebbles, which I've started sprinkling all over the apartment in an attempt to prolong
the feast.

Her behavior into this now third day calls for more drastic measures however. I'm sorry to put you through this Belle, but the truth must be told for your own good. I received these pictures from an anonymous tipster today. The pictures are graphic, so I will spare you the after shots. Jeff isn't just buying you souvenirs in Hotlanta, he's cavorting with known dogs. Known dogs!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Jeff = Gone

Well, Jeff has left on his trip, so I'm here to take over as promised. Belle is not taking it well. (I think my taking over the blog more than his absence.) She has been sitting in the window pining away, and barely acknowledges me, except every other second, when she decides she's hungry and needs to express that through long meows. I suppose she'll rightly get over it by tomorrow, when she'll forget Jeff ever existed. Sad but true. Kitties got to be moving on.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Atlanta, Here I Come

Tomorrow I am leaving for Atlanta (or 'Hotlanta' as Belle likes to say). I will be gone for six days. I've never been to Atlanta, outside of the airport. Belle says she spent a summer in Atlanta once, and it was the greatest summer of her life. I suppose that is technically possible, because she was eight months old when she came to live with us and that was in January of '05, so her wherabouts during the summer of '04 are unknown. Did any of my Atlanta-based readers happen to see Belle in the summer of '04? If so, I would love to hear about it. Leave some comments, why don't you.

I offered to take Belle with me on my trip to Atlanta, and she accepted. I was surprised, because usually Belle doesn't have much nice to say about the South. Later on in the day Belle asked me if she needed to go shopping for anything special, like scuba gear or goggles. I asked her, "Why would you need scuba gear?". It turned out she thought we were going to Atlantis, not Atlanta. After I cleared things up, she decided not to go. She said, "Been there, done that. And it was the greatest summer of my life!".

I have requested that Andrea update Belle's blog during my absence. It is hard to say whether that will actually happen or not, but let it be known that such a request was indeed made. If you, dear reader, happen to notice that the posting next week is not as frequent, do not worry. I shall return.

Friday, March 16, 2007


One of Belle's favorite past-times is testing out new surfaces in the apartment. She is an expert surface tester. Any time that a new surface is created in our apartment, Belle likes to spend some time examining it. After she is done with her examination, she gives us a verdict as to whether or not the surface is acceptable.

Sometimes Belle can get a little overzealous in her testing. Today Andrea tossed her pocketbook on the floor when she came home. The pocketbook cover fell open, thus creating a new surface on the floor. Belle jumped into action. She laid for a while on the pocketbook, horizontally aligned with the cover, as you see here. Then she spent some time laying down on it vertically. Then she rolled over on her back and stretched for a bit. That was cute.

After an hour, Belle determined that this new surface didn't quite pass her test. The softness level left a bit to be desired, and the surface area was a tad too small, not quite big enough for a kitty to get comfortable. After she gave us her verdict, I said to her, "Thanks for doing your test, but it's not like we were going to keep the pocketbook there anyway". Belle replied, "So I just wasted an hour? Thanks a lot!". After that, she was in a sour mood until dinner.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Kitty Imposter

This afternoon I was fixing myself a snack, when out of nowhere Belle appeared and gave me an earful. I said to her, "Belle, why do you meow at me so? I already gave you lunch.". Belle said that she had not received any lunch, and I must be mistaken. Then I replied, "But if I didn't give you lunch, then what kitty did I give lunch?". Belle explained that there was another kitty loose in the apartment, and that the other kitty must have eaten her lunch! "Poor Belle!", I said as I gave her some food, "you must have been starving!". "And how!", Belle replied.

I thought it was strange that I would have mistook another cat for Belle. I asked her, "What did this other cat look like?". Belle said that the other cat looked very similar to her, in fact almost identical.

When Andrea got home from work, I told her what had happened. Andrea doesn't think it's very likely that there's another kitten running around the apartment that looks just like Belle. But I said, "Well if that's the case, then who ate Belle's lunch? Me?". That was a good comeback.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Safety Inspection

Today is Wednesday, and that means it's safety inspection day. Once a week, Belle likes to inspect the apartment to make sure that there are no "dangerous objects near table-edges" (or DONTs, as she calls them). DONTs are any type of small object that rest near the edge of a table.

Before we had Belle, I didn't realize how serious DONTs are (in fact, I'd never heard of them!). Belle says that 90% of household accidents are caused by DONTs. It's lucky we got Belle when we did, otherwise Andrea and I would probably both be dead by now (or at least that's what Belle says). Sometimes I ask Belle what is so dangerous about DONTs, but she always just says "Don't let DONTs happen to you!" I think she heard that on a commercial or something.

Belle's inspection consists of her walking by every table-edge in the apartment. If there is any object dangerously close to a table-edge, Belle knocks it down to the floor. She says that by knocking the object down, she is "reducing the threat level". I guess Andrea's glasses were pretty threatening.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

International Kitty Day

Yesterday was National Kitty Day. Belle and I had a fun time, but Andrea didn't seem to enjoy it. In fact, she didn't celebrate at all.

Today, Belle woke us up even earlier than yesterday! She had to tell us that today is International Kitty Day. I thought it was strange that International Kitty Day is the day after National Kitty Day. I asked Belle, "why don't they space the holidays out more?" Belle said that cats don't have any concept of holiday spacing. And I said "apparently!". That was funny.

We asked Belle, "How is International Kitty Day celebrated?". She said that the way it's typically celebrated is that whenever kitties get hungry, they should meow and then their owners feed them immediately. I said, "That sounds an awful lot like National Kitty Day". Andrea said that there is no such cat holiday as International Kitty Day. But I tend to believe Belle, because it seems like she would know more about cat holidays than Andrea.

In any case, Andrea made me promise not to give Belle any extra food today. That would have been a hard promise to keep, if I hadn't had my fingers crossed.

Monday, March 12, 2007

National Kitty Day

This morning, Belle woke Andrea and I up early to tell us that today is National Kitty Day. Neither Andrea or I had ever heard of National Kitty Day before. Belle says it's one of the lesser known cat holidays.

Apparently there aren't too many traditions associated with National Kitty Day. Belle said that the way it's typically celebrated is that whenever kitties get hungry, they should meow and then their owners feed them immediately. Andrea said "That's ridiculous!", and Belle hissed at her. It was an ugly beginning to National Kitty Day.

When we were making breakfast, Belle meowed at us. I was going to give Belle a sausage but Andrea said, "there's no such thing as National Kitty Day!". Then Belle hissed at her again. But Belle had the last laugh because when Andrea went to the bathroom, I gave Belle the sausage and I said "Happy National Kitty Day!". Belle said, "Indeed!". She can get sassy sometimes.