Belle and Andrea's Misundersanding

Belle wishes to clear the air regarding the November 11th post of 2007, entitled "The Inexorable Subvolution". Belle wants everyone to know that said post was unauthorized and unwarranted, and also nonfactual. And she also would like to add that Subvolution is not a word, or at least not any word that she approves of.

The post in question was the result of a serious miscommunication between Belle and Andrea. Belle was telling Andrea about what her parents were going to name her if she had been a boy.  And no, her parents were not going to name her Beverly if she was a boy!  They were going to name her Bilbo Lee.  You see, Belle's mother is a huge Lord of the Rings fan and her father is a big Bruce Lee fan, hence the delightful combination of Bilbo Lee.  Apparently if you say BilboLee fast enough, it can sound sort of like Beverly.  

So you may be wondering, why did Belle's parents choose the name Belle?  Well, in addition to being a big Lord of the Rings fan, Belle's mother was also a giant fan of a little movie called Beauty and the Beast.  Maybe you've heard of it.  

You may also be wondering what Belle's middle name ended up being.  The answer, of course, is Yun Fat.  So putting it all together, Belle's full name is 'Belle Yun-Fat Poley-Briggs'.  It just rolls of the tongue, wouldn't you say?

The Inexorable Subvolution

Let it be known that I now wish to be addressed solely as Beverly.

Forlorn

Poor Belle. No one has posted any entries to her blog for almost a whole month. This lack of blogging activity has made Belle rather depressed. She claims that she doesn't have much energy these days. As Belle puts it, "why should I bother doing anything cute or adorable if no one is going to blog about it?" It's a valid question.

And so Belle has been lying around on the floor day in and day out, looking supremely pathetic, as you can surely see yourself from this picture. She barely has the energy to drag herself over to her food bowl at dinner time. As Belle put it, "why should I eat, when no one will ever read about my adventures again?" Nevertheless, Belle always DOES end up dragging herself over to her food bowl, where she slowly forces down her food, only because she has "a small and constantly dwindling hope that my blog will be resurrected and that I will return to my rightful spot as the Internet's favorite kitty-cat".

And so, here I am writing Belle's first entry for August, and we're only 25 days into the month. Not bad, eh? Fortunately, I do at least have multiple excuses for this inexcusable offense. First off, Andrea and I were on vacation from August 1-11. And no, Belle did not come on vacation with us. But please, let's not get into that -- it is a sore subject around the apartment (who knew Belle liked the ocean?). My second excuse is that I started working again on August 13. So whereas before I used to have approximately 16 hours per day to write about Belle, now I only have about six. And trust me, it's tough to write a good blog entry in anything under seven hours.

But August has not been all vacation and work, no sir! As a matter of fact, August 2007 is somewhat of a historic month for Belle the Kitty, as her first [short] movie premiered at a film festival, where it was very warmly received! More details to come in my next post, which will occur before the month ends. Guaranteed!

Long Day On The Set

Belle has recently completed filming her first major motion picture, which is titled 'Belle'. The filming was quite an ordeal, so much so that the budget nearly tripled and the filming schedule went from two weeks to two months. Whoever said kitties were easy to make movies with was a big fat liar. This picture was taking during a particularly long day on the set. Belle was yelling at me to get her some bottled water in between takes. Now that she's a hot shot movie star, she refuses to drink tap water, the little prima donna.

'Belle' (the movie, not the cat) is a short film, about seven minutes long. It was written, directed, filmed, and edited by Andrea. It stars Belle and some Barbie dolls. The voices are done by Andrea, myself, and our friend Hans. If I were not so prevented by my extreme modesty, I would tell you that it is a work of cinematic genius. It will very likely win the Academy Award next year, but we decided to start small and just show the film here in Troy for now.

Yes, that's right, 'Belle' (the movie, not the cat) is going to be screened for the very first time right here in Belle's hometown of Troy, NY by the Troy Visual Arts Group. Needless to say, Belle is very excited about the premiere, but she has been non-committal in regards to whether she will be in attendance. Andrea and I have been encouraging her to go, but Belle complains that she doesn't have a thing to wear.

In order to get Belle to attend the premiere, Andrea and I got her a fancy new purple collar, which you can see in the above photograph. We felt it was appropriate for evening-wear, especially for occasions such as film-premieres. Belle very much enjoys her new collar, but she's not sure that purple is the right color for summer -- she seems to think that a teal collar would be better. Belle is nothing if not fashion conscious.

Wire Toy

This is Belle with her favorite toy. Her favorite toy consists of a piece of wire with some bits of cardboard at each end. Belle is very frugal when it comes to her toys, and she won't have us spending oodles of money on the latest and greatest kitty toys. Wire and cardboard, that's all she wants, and that's all she needs.

I used to try and get Belle more expensive toys. I once got her a little kitty house, which had various little shiny plastic toys attached to it for her enjoyment. Belle did not like the kitty house much at all. She said, "I did not ask for this kitty playhouse, and I do not want it. The colors are garish, the architecture is ostentatious, and I would not be caught dead in such a structure! Remove it at once, and bring me my wire toy post haste." Belle can be quite harsh at times, but I will admit that she tends to get her point across, if rather bluntly.

You may notice that this photo is fairly old, based on Belle's adorable little shaved stomach area. This photo is from early 2005, back when Belle had just been spayed. What a trooper -- she managed to get in some playtime even after a major surgery. I remember I told her she should take it easy and she said, "I'll take it easy when I'm dead. But right now, I'm gonna play my little heart out, you got that?" And so I let her play.

Vote: Does Belle need a friend?

This is Belle with another one of her friends, Cecil. Cecil is a plastic owl. In a former life, he was used as a piggy bank (or more correctly, an owl bank), but these days he enjoys a life of leisure, sitting by the window with Belle and taking in the scenery. Cecil is a perfectly nice owl, but he is not overly ambitious. I get the impression that he would very much be content to spend the rest of his retirement perched on a windowsill, not doing much of anything. "To each his own", that's what Belle always says about Cecil.

Lately Andrea has been saying that Belle should have a friend. And not a plastic owl or a stuffed elephant, but a real honest to goodness kitty friend. This sounds like a good idea, in theory. The problem is that Belle has only ever met a handful of other kitties since we've known her, and none of those meeting have gone very swimmingly. In fact, Belle is typically rather rude around other kitties. She usually ends up hissing at them, and sometimes taking a swipe at them with her little paw. Not very nice, Belle!

Andrea seems to think that eventually Belle would come around to another kitty, at least to the point where she would not hiss at it whenever she saw it. I am not entirely sure if she is correct in this matter, but I would hope that Belle would get tired of hissing eventually.

And then there is the question of whether Belle would actually enjoy another kitties company, after she got used to it. Would they play parcheesi together? Would they cuddle together and provide me with super cute photo ops? Or would Belle still prefer the company of Cecil the plastic owl to that of the new kitty in town? It's a tough call! Loyal audience, what do you think?! Should Belle get a new kitty friend, or is she better off with her owl and elephant?

Chair Shot

Today Belle took a look at her blog and noticed that the number of entries per month has been on the decline ever since her blog was established nearly four months ago. There were 13 entries in March, 12 in April, 10 in May, and 9 in June. Belle says that this trend is "quite disturbing", and that "actions must be taken at once to stem the tide", whatever that means.

And so, Belle has developed a plan to increase the number of entries posted to her blog. She has promised to provide me with a "treat" for each entry that I write. I am not sure what she has in mind for my "treats", since she has refused to tell me. She thinks I will work harder for the treats if she leaves them to my imagination. All I can say is that if my treat involves Friskies, I will not be happy.

In other news, Belle posed on top of our lounging chair for the better part of last week, only taking breaks for food and sleep. Belle knows a good photo-op when she sees it, and she doesn't stop posing until we give in and take a picture of her. In this case, Belle decided that she wanted a photo shoot on our lounging chair, but Andrea and I refused to give in. For day after day we did not take Belle's picture on the chair, but finally, in a moment of weakness, I pulled out my camera and snapped the photo you see here. It is very hard to resist photographing Belle.

Hollywood Calling

Belle wants to let everyone know that she is going to be a movie star. Her first (as yet untitled) movie is currently in production. Andrea is the writer, director, and producer, as well as one of the voice actors. I am going to lend my voice to the production as well. Andrea has assured me that I will be paid "handsomely", but every time I ask her to translate "handsomely" into a dollar amount, she has to go check the laundry.

The plot of the movie centers around Belle being accused of murder (gasp!), obviously a crime that she did not commit. Or did she? It is going to be a suspense thriller type of movie, very dramatic. Belle wanted to star in a romance comedy for her first picture, but we convinced her that a thriller is the way to go.

Belle has made a number of demands now that she is a star. First, she refuses to do any nude scenes, which I think is a reasonable demand. Second, she gets her own trailer for shooting days. And third, she refuses to do any of her own stunts. This means we are going to need to procure a stunt kitty. Hopefully we can find one that doesn't belong to the union -- the stunt cat union is no fun to negotiate with, I can tell you first hand!

You can be rest assured that once Belle's first movie is complete, it will be posted on this very web site, the humble blog that gave Belle her start. Belle also insists that the movie will be available on YouTube and iTunes, for those of you prone to using those technologies.

Don't Fall Off, Belle!

This is a picture of Belle lying on top of the Empire State Building. No, I'm just kidding. It is actually a picture of Belle lying on top of her cat pedestal. As you can see from the photo, the cat pedestal is not quite big enough for Belle -- she can't lie down on it without some part of her body hanging off of the edge, in this case her head.

Despite the size issue, Belle sure does love her cat pedestal. In fact, she thinks that all kitties should have their very own cat pedestal. She feels so strongly about this matter, in fact, that she has started her very own charitable organization called 'Cat Pedestals for the Kitties of America', or the CPKA. She is now accepting donations. Please send your cash, checks and money orders to:
Cat Pedestals for the Kitties of America
c/o Belle Poley-Briggs
121 Kitty Way
Troy, NY 12180

Like all good charities, the CPKA will confer titles to its donors depending on the level of their donation. The titles that Belle has decided upon are as follows:
$25 donation: 'Kitty Acquaintance'
$50 donation: 'Kitty Friend'
$100 donation: 'Kitty Supporter'
$250 donation: 'Kitty Patron'
$500 donation: 'Kitty Benefactor'
$1000 donation: 'Kitty Champion'

I don't know about you folks, but I can't wait to get my 'Kitty Champion' certificate! Belle tells me it will be well worth the thousand bucks.

What do you think? 1 of 100

This is Belle's redo picture for her book jacket. I think she looks authoritative, austere, and slightly condescending. Belle says she was going more for benevolent and approachable, with a dash of rakishness.

Jeff's just happy she doesn't have that booger on her nose anymore.

I think we're all so tired of the professional photographer lights cluttering up the apartment and the grueling 10 hour shoots, that we'll probably go with this pic.

But this is the part where I ask the studio audience their opinion in a new segment called: What do you think?

Do you have any opinion on Belle's expression, choice of angle, or ratio of grey to white fur? (she always says she tries for 50/50 in photos. 'Separate but equal.')

If you do have a comment, please submit it care of: 

Double Dare

PO Box 593819

Hollywood, CA

Stay tuned for the next installment of What do you think? Where we will be discussing Belle's new book title. Hey, anything is better than 9 Lives, The Tail of Kitty. What was she thinking?

The Best $2,000 We Ever Spent

Belle was not a cheap kitty. Despite the fact that she's not one of those "inbreds" (that's what Belle calls purebred kitties) , she was still rather expensive.

First there was the adoption fee. Then there was the spaying operation. And that was supposed to be it. The adoption and spaying fees should have been the only expenses involved.

But just a mere two weeks after Belle came to live with us, she became very sick. So sick that she was in and out of the vet's office all week. She had to be put on an I.V. and stay there for three days straight! And despite what Belle may try to tell you, the vet ain't cheap. Poor little Belle was none too happy about staying over at the vet. She didn't like their food (no shrimp!) and the entertainment was sorely lacking (no bird watching!). Yes sir, she was a miserable little kitty that week, but on the bright side, she did not die.

So what we thought would be a $200 kitty turned out to be a $2,000 kitty. The reason was that Belle had come down with an illness called Panleukopenia (also known as feline distemper) at the animal shelter. It is a nasty illness, Belle can (and will!) tell you that firsthand. Lots of kitties don't survive it, including Belle's brother Sebastian. Belle says she'll tell you all about Sebastian come Veteran's Day (that was his favorite holiday). Sebastian had planned on being a Veteran some day, but he died before he got the chance.

iKitty

This is Belle with her iPod. You might notice that she looks a bit feisty in this picture. She is very protective of her iPod.

Just before the picture was taken, Andrea tried to borrow the iPod from Belle, but Belle wouldn't let her. The last time Andrea borrowed it, she forgot to polish it before giving it back and Belle complained endlessly about the scuff marks that Andrea had failed to remove. If Andrea had returned the iPod with a scratch, I don't even want to think about how mad Belle would have been.

Belle is especially proud of her custom made iPod case, also shown in this photo. It was a Vernal Equinox present from her Aunt Carla (yes, Belle celebrates the Vernal and Autumnal Equinoxes as well as the Summer and Winter Solstices -- any excuse to get more presents). The iPod case is very warm and protective, and even has a hole in the top so the headphones can be worn when the iPod is inside it's case. What a thoughtful aunt Belle has.

Belle's iPod is filled mostly with that old-timey spiritual music that she is so fond of. Her favorite artists are Jim Nabors and Elvis Presley. She also has some albums by a Christian band whose name I can't remember -- they have a song about how cats didn't evolve from monkeys. I guess its intended to be an anti-evolution song (Belle doesn't believe in evolution, but that's a topic for another post). But what I can't figure out is, who said cats evolved from monkeys in the first place?

Cleaning Is For Kitty

This is a picture of Belle licking one of our window shades. Being as I wasn't the one who took the picture, I can't say for certain why Belle was licking the window shade. I believe she may have been trying to repair the shade. According to Belle, cat saliva is one of the world's strongest adhesives, just below super-glue. And it's cheaper than super-glue too, if you've got access to a willing cat.

Luckily for us, Belle is more than willing to lend a hand (or tongue as it may be) around the house. In fact, she does more than her fair share of housework, a fact that she is only too eager to point out.

To put it bluntly, Belle thinks that Andrea and I are slobs (especially Andrea). If Belle had it her way, we would do laundry twice a week, sweep the floors every day, mop once a week, dust every other day, and clean the refrigerator once a month. Thank goodness Belle doesn't have it her way -- cleaning is hard! Belle would do it herself if she only had opposable thumbs.

Even though Belle is at a disadvantage when it comes to cleaning, she still manages to do her fair share. For instance, if Andrea or I leave some crumbs of food on a plate, Belle is right there to lick the plate clean. And if we spill a bit of tuna fish on the kitchen floor, she will clean it up as quickly as she can. And if Andrea leaves her dirty socks on the apartment floor, Belle will pick them up in her little mouth and deposit them in the nearest trash can. As Belle likes to say, "If you can't put your socks away, then you'll go barefoot."

Belle's Drinking Buddies

This is Belle with some of her friends. I think their names are Krista and Hal. I don't know them very well. Belle has a lot of friends over to the apartment -- it's tough keeping track of all their names.

This picture was taken a couple months back, when Belle threw a party for St. Patrick's Day. She had about 15 friends over, some humans and some kitties. A lot of drinking took place. Belle doesn't like being intoxicated as a rule, but she makes a special exception for St. Patrick's Day because of her Irish heritage. And boy, did she and her friends get smashed this year. This photo was taken seconds before Krista passed out, which was followed by Belle clumsily tumbling off the couch, and then Hal running to the bathroom to throw up. It was not a pleasant evening, I can assure you of that. I haven't seen either Krista or Hal back since.

Usually Belle's parties are much more tame. She mostly has dinner parties, not drinking parties. For her last dinner party she served a pot pie for an entree. The pot pie was filled with Friskies Liver & Chicken Dinner canned cat food. Her human guests liked the dinner until they realized it was filled with cat food, but her cat guests refused to eat the pie crust and would only eat the Friskies filling. It's tough keeping everyone happy. I keep telling her she should make one entree for the cats and another for the humans, but she thinks that would be rude.

After dinner, Belle and her friends usually play a game. They like to play card games, dice games, and board games (especially Parcheesi). Andrea and I can't figure out why they like Parcheesi so much -- it's got to be just about the most boring game ever.

Career Kitty

This is Belle with her favorite paper clip. It's a green paper clip, green being one of Belle's favorite three colors.

Belle's favorite three colors are currently: green, royal teal, and burgundy. She is unable to put the three colors in order, as she simply cannot decide which of them is her favorite. Every now and again Belle will change what her favorite three colors are. Last month her favorite colors were: green, royal teal, and maroon. Then about two weeks ago she decided that she really preferred burgundy to maroon, so she kicked maroon out of her top three. It's tough keeping track of her color preferences. Andrea has just about given up.

So you may be wondering, why does Belle love paper clips so? Well, as you know, Belle is a big fan of office-type work. She loves filing and organizing and answering phones (especially answering phones!). Sometimes she answers the phone even when it doesn't ring. She prides herself on her customer service skills and her team-player attitude. She also keeps a very up-to-date resume on hand, as well as business cards, because as she says "you never know when opportunity will strike". She updates her resume every afternoon, and prints out new business cards bi-weekly. She is very much a career kitty. And don't get her started on 401ks, she will talk your ear off (or meow it off as the case may be).

If there's one thing that gets Belle's goat, it's how her career is limited by species-ism. As Belle puts it, "The lack of Feline MBA programs precludes my consideration for management positions. If only I had an MBA, then I wouldn't have to spend all day napping." Poor kitty...all she wants is an MBA, but the system won't allow it.

Let the Go-Carting Begin!

This is Belle from the waist down.

Despite her rather sizable belly, Belle has been known to zip around the apartment at very fast speeds. In fact, at times she can be nearly impossible to photograph -- her rapid movement causes the photos to come out blurry. This phenomenon may be related to the quality of the camera, or the quality of the photographer (Andrea), or the speediness of the cat, or a combination of all three.

So now Belle wants to give a recap of her Memorial Day parade.

"The parade was glorious, and my go-cart driving was of course the highlight. I put on quite a show for the kiddies (and the kitties). It included figure eights, wheelies, jumps, near-crashes, and a race to the finish with my arch-rival and nemesis go-cart racer (the mayor of Troy, Harry Tutunjian) which I won by a whisker. And I don't mean that figuratively - my whiskers were the first part of me to cross the finish line. The photo at the finish confirmed that my whiskers won the race for me -- if not for them, I would have been runner-up. Thank goodness I didn't listen to Andrea when she suggested I have laser whisker removal surgery.

After the race, I was lavished with gifts and trophies. I am somewhat tired of all the trophies, this being my 35th go-cart racing victory in the last two years. But I accept them because I am a gracious and benevolent kitty. And also because they don't give out the food until after the trophy ceremony, so anything to get it over with, if you get my drift. Now I have to start training for the Flag Day Parade (only ten days away!)."

So there you have it, straight from the cat's mouth. Belle's go-cart training schedule is quite rigorous. I wish she would take some more time off to relax, but that's not her style once go-cart season begins (Memorial Day kicks off the season). I guess I'd better get used to it quick, because she won't give it a rest until Labor Day. She's gotta get those trophies.

Our Little Tiger

Sometimes I think Belle is like a tiger. A cute little tiger that needs to be petted a lot. A white and gray tiger, rather than the typical orange and black. A tiger that fits on my lap.

I think that if Belle were tiger-sized than she would be more ferocious. At her current size, everything is bigger than her, especially humans, so she has to make up for her small stature with extra cuteness. Luckily she has cuteness to spare.

In this photo Belle very much reminds me of a tiger on the prowl, stalking its prey. Of course in this photo, Belle's prey was most likely a 'pebble' (Andrea's and my nickname for Belle's dry cat food pieces). Belle does like her pebbles. That's about all she ever eats as a matter of fact. Pebbles for lunch, pebbles at tea time, and pebbles for dinner (no, she doesn't eat breakfast - she says that "breakfast is a meal for the weak minded", whatever that means). She is our little pebble-eater.

In other news, Belle told me yesterday that I haven't been putting enough time or effort into her blog, and I can't say that she's entirely inaccurate. She has requested that I start waking up at 5AM and devoting two hours each morning (that would be 5AM - 7AM) to working on her blog. I think that those hours a bit excessive. I'm going to try and bargain with her, see if I can talk her down to 6AM-7AM. She can be a tough cat to bargain with.

Belle says that the next post is going to be a recap of her Memorial Day parade adventure, so stay tuned.

Belle's Dream

Belle has been a bit lethargic for the past few days, now that the temperatures are flirting with the 90s. She keeps telling me to install the air conditioner already. Maybe I will get around to it over the long weekend.

Today Belle took a nap on the windowsill and it was adorable. When she woke up, she told me about a very vivid dream that she had.

"In my dream, I wasn't a kitty at all -- I was a human being and it was awful. I had no fur and I had to wear clothes, and I had to get a job instead of just lying around the house taking naps all day. So I got a job selling appliances at Sears and every time I was about to sell a microwave oven, my customers would decide to buy a toaster oven instead. And I didn't get any commission for toaster oven sales at all. The worst part was that after work I realized I had no vehicle, so I had to ride the bus home. As I was getting onto the bus, I got so scared that I woke up from the dream in a cold sweat!"

"Cold sweat?" I asked. "I didn't know cats could sweat."

"Of course we don't sweat. It's just an expression," she replied.

Belle was pretty shaken up by the dream, and I don't blame her one bit. Selling microwave ovens at Sears is bad enough, but having to ride the bus home from work is enough to make anyone want to end it all.

Courtyards and Forgotten Birthdays

Belle chastised me this morning for not updating her blog since last Thursday, a whole week ago. I told her that since nobody reads her blog, it doesn't really matter when I update it. She did not appreciate my explanation.

Belle has been spending quite a bit of time on the walkway outside our apartment as of late, now that the weather is nice. She is a fair weather kitty, and doesn't appreciate puddles very much. Luckily for her, the walkway is mostly sheltered from the elements. She enjoys strolling from one end to the other and back again, inspecting the doors to all the apartments along the way, as well as any objects that may have been left outside, such as plants or barbecue grills. She also loves to peer out over the edge of the walkway, to the courtyard below. Sometimes there are other kitties down in the courtyard, and Belle watches them intently. One time we took Belle down to the courtyard, but she didn't enjoy being down there as much as looking down there. She did, however, very much like the elevator ride.

Andrea and I just remembered that we got Belle on approximately January 15th, 2005. And at the time we got her, she was supposedly eight months old, which would put her birthday in the vicinity of May 15th, 2004. This means that Belle turned three years old earlier this month! Andrea and I did not realize this until just yesterday, which means (gulp) we missed Belle's birthday! I can't believe that Belle didn't remind us. She must've thought we were going to throw her a surprise party or something. What a poor kitty. Now we're going to have to buy her all sorts of treats to make up for it.

Nahoko the Cribbage Queen

This is Belle's best friend, Nahoko. Nahoko is very fluffy, much fluffier than Belle. Nahoko is an aspiring photographer and she likes tea very much, especially with milk and honey.

Belle and Nahoko have been friends since shortly after Belle came to live with us, in early 2005. Nahoko was already living in the apartment building at that time, and she came to our apartment with a welcoming gift for Belle - a wire toy and some catnip. Ever since then, they have been great friends.

Belle and Nahoko used to have tea together every afternoon. They would play a game of cribbage each day with their tea. According to Belle's official records, Nahoko has won 399 games and Belle has won 403, so apparently they are evenly matched. I'm not sure that Nahoko's records would agree with Belle's however.

Belle and Nahoko get along famously, though there was one incident when Nahoko decided to play hide and seek, without informing Belle. Nahoko hid under the bed and Belle, not knowing who or what was under the bed, started hissing and acting generally unpleasant . Nahoko grew frightened and refused to come out from under the bed, even after we removed Belle from the bedroom and shut the door. Belle sat by the door hissing, and reaching her little paws under the door in a threatening manner. After many hours, Belle lost interest, and Nahoko was finally able to exit the bedroom without incident. It was a terrible misunderstanding. Thankfully both parties eventually apologized and today they are as good a pair of friends as you'll ever see.

Nahoko moved to Syracuse almost two years ago, to pursue a graduate degree in photography. Of course Belle was quite sad initially, but after time she got over it. Now they talk on the phone about once a week, and they still play their daily game of cribbage, only now they have to play online. Unfortunately, Belle refuses to use our computers (she will only use Macs), so I have to enter all of the cribbage moves into the computer for Belle. It's sort of a pain.